Like to you

She told me that night. Paced and worried. With many questions to ask.

And I am searching for the answers, should I give up?
Where does it take me?
What do you think about me?
Are these the questions I want to have the answers for?

I tell myself it’s nothing, that I am just looking for some attention.
But deep down I know it’s the admiration that’s possessing me.
Those 3 little words, overly to much used by many every single day. They have lost their true meaning.
And here I am. 2 am. Inculcating myself that I just like you. Replacing the fact with a word to make my heart stop yelling the truth.

I want the answer. See if I still feel the same about you. And my, I wish I didn’t.
I wish we never decided to meet again.
I wish we didn’t just pick up the conversation where it was left since the last time we met.
I wish you weren’t so goddamn easy to talk to.
I wish those butterflies didn’t pop out of their cocoons and wander around in my stomach, each time you make me laugh out loud.
I wish you didn’t accept me as easily as I could ever accept myself, with all my flaws and demons. And yet you’re still here.
I wish I didn’t like you. But I do. I really do.

I’m not asking you to change, you never asked me the same and I never will.
I’m not asking much, but giving me the needed inspiration and attention you’re already doing right now.

You always ask me to text you when we say our goodbyes.
Not because you demand me to update you on every move I make in my life. You just want to make sure I get home safe.
You always ask me what the best part of my day was, what made me laugh that day and if I felt appreciated by everyone I met. Because you think I should, always.
You take the time to hear out my stories, the things I say, genuinely ask how I am doing.
And you listen. Even though you find it so difficult from time to time, to not speak up and join the conversation. Because you are upbeat and we are like minded and you just want to participate in the convo.
You actually listen, not just ask because you feel like you need to.

And yet. Still. I’m not sure if I should tell you how I feel.
‘Cause as much as it hurts to see you having a good time with someone else, you don’t own me anything. Nor do I owe you something.
I am in no obligation to have my say about your feelings. But I feel mine, a lot.
Being nice to someone is a basic rule, which comes with proper education.
But I wish I could read you better. Since I’m trying to calculate my chances and figure out if you feel the same way.
Because the thing is. If the answer is no. I will suck it up, keep my head high and like you anyway.
‘Cause I much rather stay your friend then someone you used to know.
And I know that’s gonna happen when the feeling isn’t mutual.
I like you, and I am pretty sure I will till the day I die.
I just want to know if we could be more than friends, or should I close that never existed chapter and move on.

And that’s why I wish we never met again.
Because I like to you.

L; lies
I ; I
K ; keep
E ; excogitating

There is this other word, with the same amount of letters.
Which makes 4+4 becomes 8.
Could it be that those 8 letters combined, become something bigger.
A feeling that is mutual has grown deeper, that you could be my soul mate?
Or is 4+4 multiplied by the truth, me being your side kick, instead of us 2.
Maybe the answer has been there all along.
That 8+2 makes 10. Making me that person who is there for you no matter what, over and over again.

Just give me a honest answer, are my feelings accepted or declined?
Then my heart could start beating the right way, entwined and connected with my mind.

I don’t like you, I love you.

I saw her struggle in the zone. A clouded December night kept her friendly character covered in pheromone. December’16 M.B.


Categories: Portfolio