An improvement. Is it?
With eyes wide open I can still visualise every outburst you took on me.
All these feelings, all the pain.
For a long time I had nightmares and replayed all the details – words and panic attacks in the back of my head.
You attacked my heart and left me bleeding to death.
How you tried to play out our fights in front of the public eye – darling, did you forget that I’m the one with the leverage here – the notes, the proof, the truth.
Do you want to take it this far. Are you ready to testify?
Knowing you were a tiny error. A little secret – like a mediterranean fruit fly – warm company, but that’s all you were at night.
Years from now, I’ll be living in the same uncertainty.
But only out of excitement to see what’s happening next. ‘Cause I fought back.
I knew you were gonna be here tonight, that’s why I came.
Wanted to witness a miracle I guess, see if you would take the blame.
Sadly your improvement stagnated, the second you left and took my pride.
All together with my life, my heart, my soul, my whole. How you twisted loyalty with inconstancy and here you are..right in front of me.
With these ‘please forgive me eyes’.
You provide me one thing though – the drive to be an independent warrior I guess, continue to cut loose of our shared history.
So much I’ve learned about myself during our psychoanalytic process.
I grew stronger, it took me a while but here we are.
I found freedom in the silence – the void – the agony, my thoughts no longer run wild.
It’s my own awaking. You’re Goddamn right.
– – – November 12th ’17 M.B.