Chapters I till X

Chapter I


“You know, I guess it is the first time I am admitting this to myself..but I am not happy in Amsterdam, nor will I be. And New York, oh beautiful Brooklyn. I just. I could live here for the upcoming years you know. I’m still searching for my home. And I don’t know when I will find it. But this could be it for the upcoming years. And I’m gonna try with all that I have to make that possible. God it feels good to say this out loud”, I laugh a little realising it’s going to be one heck of a plan while facetiming with Chloë.

She’s on of my best friends whom I met in Amsterdam while trying to find another piece of my puzzle. Trying to find myself. She’s coming over next month to enjoy the beauty that is New York City. And I have to say, it would be great to see a familiar face around here. I’ve got so much shit to tell. So much stuff I kept for myself. Trying to share only the good things. And everyone that’s close to me knows I rarely share the bad things. Since I’m the one who tries her hardest to cut loose of her life motto ‘life could always be worse.’ Classic thought for an extreme perfectionist like me.

“Oh my god, it’s going to be so much fun! Only 19 days left. Or no wait, let me include this day as well since it’s only 3 o’clock in the morning here. 20. 20 days left. And then we are going to do the whole tourist tour. Go out for dinner, drink coffee on a park bench while watching people pass by and party.”

Chloë’s enthusiasm is contagious. It’s like hearing myself rambling on and on about NYC the second I booked my ticket a few months ago. I try to find a moment to tell her more important news while staring down at my kinda growing round belly. But I guess now’s not the time. I still haven’t got all the answers myself. And I told Hailey about it, so thumbs up for sharing more of the important things Michelle.

“Oh, and you haven’t forgotten about that place you mentioned a few weeks ago right? You know, the one with the cheap cocktails. ‘Cause we could use some cheap drinks, since New York is expensive enough. You’ve told me multiple times already.”

“Yeaaaaah, about that Chloë. I think we should skip that one from the list. Many more bars and cocktails to discover downtown though.”

“Wait, what? Why, what happened? I thought you enjoyed your nights out while being there?”

“Yes. I did. It’s just..uuugggh. Remember that guy I told you about?”

“With the fluffy pointy hair? Seriously though, weirdest description ever, who has pointy hair?”

“Hahahah, yeah him. Anyways. I guess I don’t get the friends/dating rules anymore. I’ve been out of the game for to long. I mean, he texted me about 5 days ago. And he gave me the whole ‘you’re only available for the fun part of life’ lecture. And I know. That’s the whole point of hanging out, while I’ve made myself clear I’m not looking for a relationship of whatsoever. Seriously, what is it these days. Why does every encounter between 2 single individuals have to lead to a hook up. If I wanted that I would’ve downloaded Tinder.”

Chloë burst out in laughter, “seriously Michelle, how did you meet this guy again..?”

“Couchsurfing.”

“Right. Well, couchsurfing is like the pre-version of Tinder. Which you’ll know now. But whatever, we will find another place. And if not, then you owe me at least 2 drinks.”

“Got it now. Guess I will continue to visit the many museums here solo again. Which isn’t a bad thing FYI.”

“I know, I get you want to meet new people. And jokes aside, we both know you can meet plenty of chill people through that app. So next time hang out with someone who either looks like your could-be brother of next boyfriend for your time spending overseas. Ok?”

“Yes, girl. On it.”

“Okay, I’m going to try to get some sleep since I have to work tomorrow and it’s almost 3.30 in the morning. Let’s talk again somewhere this week?”

“Yes, thanks! Enjoy work tomorrow, weltrusten.”

“Enjoy work..you know me so well Michelle, sweet dreams.”

Yeah, sweet dreams. Well not yet. I turn off my headphone for a sec while leaving the park bench at Washington Park and googling the nearest pharmacy. I see that there’s a CVS open within walking distance as I make my way to 6th Avenue. Got to love a city that never sleeps and stores that are open 24/7. I pass a bustling Winter Fair, complete with hot chocolate and glue wine. Many artists are exposing their work as tourists stop and stare while checking price tags and searching for free stuff.

My heart skips a beat as I try to remember my Headspace relaxation routine. Oké. Breath in, breath out. You’re not the first person who walked into that store to buy a test. Nor will you be the last one.

I see the stop sign changing colours. The little man is no longer red. Time to cross that street Michelle. Time to buy a pregnancy test.


All these letters, words and sentences are written by Michelle Braakhuis. Reality mixed with a hint of imagination. Life as it is, or could be. All names were changed to fit the character Michelle tried to describe. No rights to copy-paste any of this information.
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