Ok, wait what? With a shocked face I look at the tiny screen which clearly indicates two pink stripes. No, this is not possible at all. I bought this pregnancy test with the idea that my period would just be an expensive period, because I would have mine the day after, after I had peed over a stick worth of €12,50. At least that was what happened the last time I was in a situation like this.
Thoughts come and go, as questions cross my mind. What should I do? Who am I? And where am I in life? I just broke up with my ex. We love each other, but we’re not able to interact with each other and aaaargh… My head is pounding as I get emotional. Silent tears result in loud sobbing. I don’t know what to do, apart from thinking a lot and having conversations with myself.
And that is exactly what I did the following period.
I am Jemaine, mother of a 7 year old wild kid named Micah, and future mother to a baby girl (now 22 weeks pregnant on February 13). I thought I shouldn’t keep you that much longer in the dark filled with tension as I did with myself. So this is my story in short.
After a lot of thinking, comparing the good with the bad, conversations with my family and friends, I knew what I wanted. I would draw my own plan. Like I always do. Of course I fell in love with this tiny human that was growing inside of me the second I found out. And although many people told me it wasn’t going to be easy or convenient, I decided to go the the full 200% for this new life. To be very honest with you, and with myself, I am not someone who always goes for the easiest way. It’s not my thing and I’d rather do it my way than the easy way. Life has a funny way of getting everything done. Mentally that’s not always nice, because you often have to adapt, but it works. And it usually works good, if you understand what I mean.
However, I do occasionally run into things. And it’s not one thing, not even two. More like ten things at the same time. I don’t know how to organise my time. I don’t know how to deal with my ex’s anger, with my own anger. I still haven’t figured out how to ensure rhythm and regularity in my own life..dammit, I don’t know enough about so many things. It’s why I decided to learn and read about it all this year.
The coming year, except for January because it passed too fast, I will read a book every month on a subject that I want to become a specialist in. What I read and learn, I will put it into practice as much as possible, and write it down. And I will take you, dear reader, on this journey, while sharing my struggles, my victories, and hopefully a lot of self-development and gained wisdom.